Sunday, October 26, 2014

I Just Wish It Were Easier, You Know?

I wish I could say I'm happy, but then I'd be lying to the universe. I'm not happy with myself and I can't get through any day anymore. I'm constantly stressed and I live the life at home. I don't get out and do anything, I don't have any friends. I just stay home and take care of my fifteen month old daughter and be the dream that I wished to fulfill. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I wouldn't trade this job for anything and yes, being a stay at home mom is a job. I don't care what anyone has to say about that. Being a stay at home mom is a hard job and it's a complicated one as well. All I do is clean, cook, and take care of Evailyne.
I have no friends to run to for when I'm upset or having a hard time. My boyfriend is always at work and I don't like bothering him with my problems anyway. My life is just too hard. I'm stressed mainly about my weight here lately and I have to be honest. I just don't have the mindset to lose weight. I can't exercise and I won't even pretend like I can. I can't stand the idea and I just make myself sick from even thinking of it. I've tried to begin eating healthier, but that doesn't work too well for me when all I buy is unhealthy foods. I don't do it on purpose. I just don't watch what I'm buying. I pick up one healthy item and the unhealthy one outweighs the good. I just can't do it anymore. I'm so stressed over losing weight that I think I've stressed myself so much into gaining weight. All I know is over the past three weeks, I've almost doubled in size. I can't handle it anymore. I might as well just give into my problems. Let them overpower me.

"You have no power over me." Yeah right. I guess Sarah had more of a mindset afterall. I can't and I just won't.

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