Most Played Songs on my iTunes

1. Bonnie & Clyde - Haystak
2. Say it Right - Nelly
3. Same Girl - R. Kelly
4. Shawty is a Ten - The Dream
5. So Sick (female) - Ne-Yo
6. Breathless - Shayne Ward
7. Santa Monica - Theory of a Deadman
8. Candy Shop - 50 Cent
9. Perfect Two - Auburn
10. We're in Heaven - Cascada
11. Hello Darlin' - Conway Twitty
12. Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Leppord

Getting Closer To....HaLlOwEeN!(:

So it's September 28, 2011. Only a month away and it'll be Halloween. My favorite holiday is in fact Halloween. What will your Halloween consist of? My October 31, 2011 night will be just me and my dad sitting at home with a big bowl of Candy! We will just have an all day marathon of movies..
1. Halloween
2. Friday the 13th
3. Nightmare on Elm Street

The Woman of the Generation. They have left their mark on me!

1. Loretta Lynn

Why did I choose Loretta Lynn? 

Well, Loretta happens to be my idol. I remember as a child when I watched Coal Miners Daughter for the first time. I listened as I knew that Sissy Spacek certainly wasn't Loretta herself. I just heard the words and rhythm of the songs she sung. They moved from within me and it's like I could understand and comprehend the movements. My favorite song of hers is "Fist City". You may ask, why? I may even tell; but, the reason for Fist City being my favorite is because she wrote that song once she had caught Mooney in the backseat of her car with another woman as she and Patsy Cline had been on stage performing. 

Loretta is a role model. She's an icon. 

She has definitely opened me up to new beginnings and the understanding way of life. No woman could ever replace Loretta. 

2. Marilyn Monroe

"The Sex Symbol" 

Marilyn. Or shall I say Norma Jeane? 

The woman that was a sex symbol of her generation. The woman that every guy wanted and every girl wanted to be. When I first heard of Marilyn, I was stund. How can one single woman be the sexiest girl on her time. You may be saying, I'm too young to know who some people are; but, you must understand...my parent's grew up not during the time; but, with the time. 

When I began to watch and read upon Ms. Marilyn. It shocked me so, shocked that this woman was no smarter than an average twig. 

She wasn't the brightest star; but, she was loved for her looks. 

She made it possible that just because you can't act as well as other's didn't mean that you couldn't be loved and wanted. 

She made an impact on my life. Her ability to prove herself was a winning prize. 

Life isn't worth;

life isn't worth understanding; until, you've fallen so hard you have scuff marks on your knees.
life isn't worth fighting for; until, you've cried so hard that you don't feel the tears falling any longer
life isn't worth the pain; until, you've finally broke down and realized all you ever wanted, was that one, small, tiny piece of heaven between your fingers.
that one precious moment where you'll remember it the rest of your life.

There is a Reason!

Do any of us truly know when Life is to begin? I mean, we're each born on a certain day, in a certain month, at a certain time. Just because we're born, doesn't mean our life has truly begun. Each person is born with a reasoning and a meaning. Just like, we're each born with a unique name. They're a million Ashley's in this world, and a million Johns. That doesn't mean each and every one of us have a reason as to why we're put here. We're born to the families that we live in for a certain matter of time. Some of us are meant to live to a long and happy life, then again, God has other plans for most.
I was born an only child to a wonderful woman and man. Is there a reason why I'm an only child? I believe so. I believe they're reasons why God didn't want my mom to have another baby after me. I believe, God had plans for me to be an only one. We're each unique. We each have a certain amount of power God has put upon us.
I'm seventeen years old. I turn eighteen in less than seven months. I still don't know my reason. I still don't know why I'm so unique to the world. I'm still a single flying bird without a partner. I don't know why I was place on Earth. I do not know why people tell me I'm beautiful. All I know is, I'm finally coming out of my shell. I'm finally opening back up to the world.
 I'm wondering....When my life....will finally....BEGIN; 

Story? Be Told. Not to HOLD

if only people knew my story; they wouldn't be buying the book.
i have so many faults, so many mistakes.
guys, i haven't been able to deal with. relationships that have went to hell.
i just wish, my life would stopping being the preface and being with chapter one already!

*&&Ephesians 4:2

with all humanity and gentleness, with patience, bearing one another in love

To wait or be Waited For

he texted me today. It wasn't good nor was it bad. My heart began to pound when he started talking to me again. Was the conversation the way I wanted it to be? No. He told me that he only wanted to be friends. It broke my heart. I really liked him and enjoyed our conversations we had. We've talked and tried to get things figured out. .We've talked about maybe....in the future. There could be a chance we can get together. You never know what the future will hold for someone. 

What do you say in a Moment like this?

Have you ever been told "it's not you, it's me"? It's like I can think....What if it did happen to me? How would I feel if I was told it wasn't me, it was him? I'd be thinking...someone was full of shit. That is like one of the oldest things in the book to say to someone just to get out of a relationship. It isn't the smartest thing to pull; but, some times people think it's the best thing to do.
Well, lately...everything for me. It always seems to me that every time I post something on my blog, everything is fine; but, then I'm posting of how it was ended too. I'm tired. I'm not dealing with the pain any longer than I have too.
Everything was fine. A couple of days ago, well almost a week now...I broke up with Dylan. Yes, finally after everything that we'd been through and all the pain he'd been giving me. I'd broke up with him. I felt like he hadn't changed anything about himself. When, me and him were together, it's like I had this feeling that something was going on. I just didn't know what it was.
What do you say in a moment like this? I just wish. If God would allow me to make one wish for the rest of my life...It'd be that I wish everything would be alright with me. Stop this searching for the right one. I've tried multiple times and it's always turned out to be nothing but a terrible experience. God. If only God would let me choose the perfect guy. I'd choose a guy that I've met recently. He seemed and was the perfect guy. I don't want to be feeling this pain in looking for the "one". I want to wake up in the morning and have him holding me in his arms.
What do you say in a moment like this? When you can't find the words? A moment of silence. A moment where I can just close my eyes and for once, let my heart lead the way.
I met this guy. His name is Jacob. I met him and everything seemed so un-real. I had just met him; but, I felt like I've known him for years. I didn't feel a single touch of fear. I like(d) him so; but, something went wrong. Something that just caused him not want to talk to me. It makes me wonder...and it keeps me praying that maybe, it's just for now. I just need to give him time. Give myself time as well. I had only known him for a day; but, everything seemed to wonderful and I loved it. Then, now it's at the point where when I get a text message...I'm hoping, it's him. It's not and I feel like I've fallen apart a little more each time I breathe.
I talked to my brother (best friend) Josh on the phone about everything in my life. I had told him how I have felt and how it felt like everything was falling apart around me..and I had this feeling, this feeling that maybe it wasn't worth anything anymore. I missed Jacob already and didn't want to just let it go. I couldn't bare the feeling. I have to do something. 

Leadership of a Horoscope

My horoscope for September 20, 2011; "Just when you thought the fun was over, the universe will let you know in no uncertain terms that it's only just begun. Expect an invitation from a dear, trusted friend -- and don't you dare 
refuse it."


I am the type of girl that will believe in the horoscope's. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe in the alternate life of the universe. Now, if I believe in all this and this happens. What could my obvious horoscope possibly mean? It tends to scare me sometimes because I'm not sure where my life is leading me. Sometimes, i want to scream. I don't know what to do with my life nor do I know where it's heading. All I know is...Until now, I have made the wrong decisions; but, I'm on the warpath tonight. I've made my decision and without my friend Josh, I could not have understood it all. 

Short Bio? I Guess So.

Short Bio? I Guess So; What about me? Well, I'm Patricia. People call me, P.C. or Courtney. I am a Senior at CCHS. Class of 2012. I'm currently Single. -->Photographer i'm done with life; so when you call me and i don't answer..it's because technically, i am away from the world. i'm done with everything. no more understanding or trying to fix things. i never succeed. check my answering machine. it's always free. someone lied, when they said God has a plan for us. i'm now a non-believer. i have lost so many things in my life and it can't just be me. God has a big part in people's lives and apparently...he has left mine. i'm dead to the world now. no longer am i available for anything or anyone. goodbye; 9/18/2011 r.i.p patricia courtney. hello. new world. LOVE; Writing Drawing Singing Music Being with friends. -the greatest thing you'll ever learn is, just to love and be loved in return;

Quotes I made; HURT

These are status updates of mine that I made when I was hurt from so much happening.

1. 

I don't believe anymore. 
I don't believe that I have a chosen path. 
I don't believe that God has a plan for me. 
I don't believe that I'm mean to be happy. 
I made decisions and they have lead to where I'm at. 
I'm alone. 
I'm lost. 
I have no life to which to think of being loved;

2. 

I just wish...That God would stop takin everythin good in my life away. Do you not see that this is excrucciating?

3. 

i hate how everytime i try to have somethin good...somethin goes wrong!!!

4. 

I can't trust you as far as I can throw you, and I can't throw you very far. 

Never did I think;

I never thought I would walk down that dirt road path again; but, I did. 
I never thought that when I looked down at my paper, I'd see your name upon the page. 
I never thought I would turn around and look at the dirt turned on the road and hear your voice upon my shoulder. 
I never....
I never though, I'd feel like the world was falling down, until you walked out and left nothing but a one last "Goodbye" 


Written by: Patricia Walker

I'm Sorry...

I'm sorry if I'm not perfect
I'm sorry if every day of my life, I can't make you happy
I'm sorry that I am me
I'm sorry that everything I do, doesn't seem to be enough
I'm sorry, that when I said "I care"...I didn't lie
most of all, I'm sorry...you didn't believe me. 


Written by: Patricia Walker

No More...

No More Counting...
No More Making Plans...
No More "I Love You"...
I'm not making the same mistakes this time around. I'm not counting the days we've been together, nor am I going to make plans into the future (a few months ahead). I'm not making those same mistakes once again. I feel like if I am too make the same type of mistakes as I did before, then it'll end up bad for me. I fell in love the first time that I was with Dylan; but, those feelings are not showing. I'm not showing or saying I love you. I am simply just going on with everyday as if we're a new couple.
I feel as if something is going on and I feel as if I cannot make a plan or plan on doing something. I am living it day by day, I'm not looking forward into anything, the only thing I am doing...is living everyday with Dylan as a regular day in the book. I can't expect much from him, and I can't expect things to last. All I can say and look forward to at the moment would be...Let each day be a surprise. 

Thinking of which?

Okay, so maybe I am going nuts. I do not know what is going on or what I could be feeling; but, I have this strange feeling out of no where that something is going on. Maybe, I'm feeling or thinking of something that I shouldn't. I feel as if something is going on, not directly in a bad way; but, like something is happening. I feel like this only temporary. Why? I'm not sure. I don't know why I'm having these feelings like this isn't going to last forever. I don't want to lose this feeling that I have created and worked so hard for, it isn't easy trying to ignore the worst; but, sometimes you feel as if it's your only option. 

A fresh new beginning.

Do you ever feel that after you've fallen so many times, it's about time you opened your eyes and began a new life? Like, you feel that no matter what happens next, it couldn't be any harder than the first dozen times that you'd failed. It's time. It's about time we began a new life and started over. "The Saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you". My EX is back in my life. After four months of no communication and or ever seeing him. We are beginning over. With a new beginning and a new life among us. I couldn't be happier to be with him, although, you can't expect much to happen next. I can't make plans without having some feeling something would happen. I'm starting with a brand new fresh beginning. I used to love him. I still do. I just don't want to begin with the same feelings.