Exactly One--To the Date

Today marked exactly one year. July 24th, 2012. I have honestly handled it better than I thought I would. I mean afterall, I've had to keep saying to myself that everything happens for a reason. Everything has it's own price and I do believe I'm beginning to win this battle of neverending pain. 

Prophecy Creations by Patricia Walker [ME]

www.facebook.com/ProphecyCreationsbyPatriciaWalker

One Year & Counting the Pain

Today was a really good day....Until I seen something that obviously shouldn't be bothering me, but next week on July 24th, it'll mark exactly one year. One year that has flown by so quickly and yet has practically ripped out my heart. It should NOT bother me anymore...but it does every once in a while. Knowing that David is with this girl and they've been dating for about eight months now, on and off of course. But, it certainly peeves me off so badly knowing that, since the first day they began dating...she has pretended to be pregnant. I cannot stand someone nonetheless be pregnant and all joyful, but yet then I have to deal with yet another girl that exactly like one I've dealt with before.
People that pretend be pregnant and then months ago by and nothing's changed about them, then they come and just up and say that they had a miscarriage. You don't toy with people and pretend to be something you're not! You don't lie about something like that, but yet she did...and she does.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, David! The plain fact of it was that it was just a five minute deal and then things begin spend when he found out about me. He didn't want anything to do with afterwards. We weren't even friends anymore. It hurt me everyday of my Senior year to see him and have to hear about him. I'd literally break down crying when I would hear his name. I guess you could say the whole point of this post is...because him and his girlfriend are engaged now. I don't can't stand her or him, but the fact of it is...neither of them should be happy. Knowing what he put me through last year and then her constantly lying about being pregnant and God only knows what else she's lied about to people. She even used my friend our Junior Year, she had told my friend that she was pregnant by him too or she'd been pregnant by my friend Codie. Anyways, I went to his profile and just seeing how happy he is, he shouldn't be happy with who he is...not with the way he treated me. Not after what happened.
SIX WORDS for her..."The Bitch Needs a Chasity Belt"

The Story behind...Jack, Kalab and Jacob.

Let me tell you a story that long-------over due. 

Fair Warning! 

This may be a long story...

July 16th, 2011. 

That's the day I met Jack. I was working in Burger King one after noon (and this has probably been stated before, but you don't know the story of where this is leading) and he was with a group of his friends. There were about six or seven of them. The reason actually that they'd been down there was, my cousin Michelle was talking to this guy that had gone to school with her brother (not by blood), Zack. His name was Merril and he seemed like a good guy at the time. 

Anyway, he arrived with six or seven of his friends and Michelle had gone over to talk to Merril. I was working as usual, just cleaning up the bar and counters when Michelle walked back behind the counter at me and say that one of the guys was checking me out. I didn't believe her because I'm not typically or usually the girl that a guy checks out. She left me alone for about two minutes before she walked back over to me and said that the guy wanted my number. It kind of felt like I was in a movie where a woman minds her own business and then all of a sudden this good looking guy walks in. I wasn't though and this was my reality. I looked over at her and said "I'm sorry, I don't have minutes on my phone". I was obviously lying because I had just been texting her earlier that day. . .She smiled at me and then said "That's alright, I'll get it from the office" and I followed her and kept asking her...Why? Why does this guy want my number? She just kept telling that he thought I was cute and he wanted to talk to me. So, he ended up with my number and we texted for the next couple of hours until I got off.

A Day passed and then my cousin, Michelle texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out for the night. I said Yes because I really wanted to get to know this guy. He already had my number, so why not? He came and picked me up that afternoon around 4:00pm and we went to the park. We were acting like kids and then I can still remember the way he smelled. We were on top of this children's playground and he didn't really look at me once, but Merril and Michelle were all over each other. It turned 8:00pm quicker than we imagined and me and Jack walked over to the swings, we were just swinging when we began talking. I asked him what he was looking for. Why he wanted my number? He had told me he wanted my number because he thought I'd be a good bang. (REALLY? That's it?) I just went silent and didn't say another word and he looked over at me and asked "Are you alright?" and I just nodded my head. I got up and walked over to the nearest tree. He got up and walked behind me and then he kissed me a few times, wanting me to be yet just another girl to add to his list. We walked to his truck, sat there for almost an hour and never once did I do a thing with him. We just kissed a few times, but of course...he wanted more. It never happened that night. 

A WEEK LATER:

Michelle wanted to go up to Merril's and hang out with him and Jack. I said, okay and we went up there. When we arrived there I sat down in Merril's living room and everyone was just looking at me. Merril's mom looked over at me and smiled, then Merril's dad glanced at me and asked "You Jack's girl?" I just smiled. I had never thought of it like that...Merril looked over at me and said "yeah, Jack's girl of the week" and I felt really crummy. After about fifteen minutes, we drove to Jack's place, because that's where we were staying. Jack wasn't home because he was working, but I stayed up on the couch all the way up until 6am when he walked through the front door. He seemed really tired and he sat on the opposite of the room. I looked over at him "You can come over here and use the blanket, it's pretty cold in here" I said. He walked over and then I was just looking over at him..I didn't mean to stare, but there was something about him. One thing lead to another and the night became a little fest where it just lead to things I didn't think would happen..and that's all it was..we just were a one-night stand type of deal. I thought...I could have honestly thought that I was going to have a good guy finally, but turned out he was just another guy for sex. 

July 25th, 2011

Michelle and Merril were still seeing eachother and I had my car. I drove Michelle up to Owen county multiple times so we could all hang out and it didn't bother me. When we went to Merril's, I sat on the chair right in the door way and every one was just staring at me, once again..but I noticed one guy staring at me. His name was Kalab. An eighteen year old, good looking man. I kept looking up and down at the floor, I was just enjoying watching Jayden (Michelle's baby). Michelle and I stayed there for about an hour, while I had noticed Kalab looking at me a few times. .I had chosen to get up and go to car and wait for Michelle to be done. About fifteen minutes later, Michelle had came out with Jayden and we headed home. "Kalab thinks your cute" Michelle said. I looked over at her and smiled. I was wondering.."Which one was Kalab?" and he said "The guy that was sitting right a crossed from you...the one without a shirt" I smiled and I was grinning ear to ear. 

Michelle had went to Owen county without me one night and Kalab had been saying that he liked me. Michelle gave him my number and we began talking. It wasn't long before we decided to date. August 4th, 2011. It only lasted a week..Things just weren't good with us at all...He said he didn't want just sex..but he did. 

September 16th, 2011. 

I will always remember this day. No matter what happens, this will be the most beautiful day of my life. I remember...

Jack texted me..Yes, the one from the beginning of the story. He texted me and we just were chatting at first and then he said he had a friend that wanted to meet me. I smiled..I texted him back and asked "Who? Who wants to meet me?" 

Jack: "His name is Jacob" 

Me: "Cool, what does he look like?" 

Jack: "Hold on I'll send a picture" 

Me: "Oka" 

I waited for about ten minutes and he said sent me an image. "Wow!" It was all I could say. The guy was gorgeous. I knew I needed to talk to this dude. 

Me: "He's really cute." 

Jack: "He thinks you're really pretty" 

Me: "How does he know what I look like?"

Jack: "He seen you on my friends list on Facebook" 

Me: "Oh Okay" 

The conversation went on for about an hour, then Jack texted me back and said that Jacob wanted my number. I told him to give it to him. Jacob and I had talked for a good hour and then he asked where I lived. I told him and he said that he was at the GYM in my county and asked if we wanted to hang out. I told him I'd love too, so I got up and changed my clothes, put on makeup and took a shower. I was ready to meet this guy. 

Later That Night

When they picked me up at first we went to the city park. Jacob and Jack were showing off in front of me. It was hilarious. I looked over at Jacob and said "Oh, please you fight like a girl" I was trying to rally him up and get him laughing. Then he came over to me and began to make short shots at me...and he was strong. He looked at me and smiled. He picked me up above his shoulders and then tackled me (gently) to the ground. Just sitting on top of me and he smiled. Later when we relocated to Butler Park, this is when things go interesting. Jack had left us alone on the look-out and we were just talking. "I'm scared of getting hurt again. I don't want things to go bad for me" I looked down at the ground and looked as if I was going to cry. He was standing between my legs as I was sitting on the stone and he had his hands upon my legs. "You're not going to get hurt, I promise. I'm not like that" he said. I smiled at him..and I wanted to believe every bit of it. My friend Brittany had went along with us. That away, Jack could have someone to hang out with me. It had to probably be one of the best nights of my life. 

To that day, me and Jacob continued to start..I remember how our relationship was growing strong! In April, I began dating one of my exes, Jim. Jacob found out and he was furious because he was upset I was with another man. He had never told me that we were to become more. When he told me he wanted to start out friendship over, he hadn't told me why? He made it clear when I was with Jim and the feelings began to grow for him. I wanted to be with Jacob so badly, but it never happened. I was hypothetically his, but not really. Eleven months of my life was wasted on this man. Because he had told me he wanted to start our friendship over so we could be together. WE wanted to be together, but then came the time where his job was his excuse for everything. I was fading from him and I was losing it. I couldn't bare to keep talking to him, but feel as if he was ignoring me too. Eleven months...and my heart was beginning to fall for him. I got away when I could, I couldn't bare looking at his image anymore and dealing with the pain that he was giving me. In June of 2012, I told Jacob I couldn't deal with it anymore. Until he knew what he wanted, I couldn't bare to be with him, but YET NOT be with him. I feel like I fell in love with him, but unfortunately the feeling's weren't mutual. 

THE END

 A True Story by Patricia Walker

When will it ever end

It's 1:25am and I'm still alive and kicking...I'm not even sleepy yet but yet I have the sudden urge to fall over onto my pillow. Which is in the other room while I'm sitting in the back bedroom and connecting to a small internet.

So I've been thinking all night..Where is my path leading towards now? I'm wondering where is my life going to end up. I'm going to college full-time and I'm certainly finally happy. School and financially I'm happy, but personally and mentally I'm not. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. What is a 18year old woman to do with her life when there is some missing piece? 

Wonder

Ever sit and rock yourself back in forth in your bed without realizing it?
Ever lay back within yourself, while huddled next to your pillow and begin to cry for no reason?
Have you ever wondered why certain things can just happen out of the blue and there be no explanation for it??

Well, I do. I often catch myself laying in bed at night looking at my ceiling and then I'll feel a single tear fall upon my face. My face gets warm and then my blood pressure rises without a warning. I don't know why such things happen, nor do I even know the answer to why I begin to think about what could have...could have been. Maybe, it's a chapter in my life that needs to be finished--sometimes I'll tell myself. ? 

Going Nuts?...TERM: Crazy!

Okay, so for some reason I fell that maybe I'm going crazy. I'm not even joking on a matter like this. Exactly where my computer desk sits in the living room, it faces the hallway. I was sitting here adding photos to my Tumblr and then I glanced over at my parents. They were both sitting on the couch so I knew they weren't going anywhere, but then I looked into the hallway and I could have sworn I seen a shadow walking towards the living room. I'm NOT crazy! Maybe, I'm just sitting on this computer for too long today. I glanced back at the hallway and the shadow figure was gone. Or maybe it would be the possibility of not sleeping yet. 

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NEW OBSESSIONS of TV(:

Alright, so in the Summer of 2012 I'm not obsessed with some new T.V. shows (not really new, just my new obsessions). If you HAVE NOT seen any of these shows, I recommend a little couch time to watch them!

1. Supernatural;

2. An American Horror Story:

3. Once Upon a Time:

4. AWKWARD.

Wanting to Start A-new!

Sometimes, after reading everything that I've written on my blog..I want to start a new one and begin fresh. That's just something that I can't do. I've had this blog since 2008 and I've recently realized that if I were to start over, then I wouldn't know where to begin. It's like life, you can't just say I've never done that or I don't know what you're talking about. You can't erased memories and nightmares. They've happened and they need to be remembered.  In fact, they are what has made you, you. You see this blog has got so many memories built into it, it's like a house. There are some shattered windows, some squeaky floor tiles and even some old rusted door handles, but they are what make the history.
The story is based upon the pages of this blog and it's a story that is forever to be told. 

Learned from my Mistakes

Well, it's July 12, 2012 and I have nothing to do or anything sweeping through my mind. On May 18th, 2012 I made the decision to finally cut myself loose of the heartache and unexpected feeling of being wanted out of my life. I told Jacob that I couldn't deal with him anymore. I mean, C'mon. If you have man that is twenty-two years old and he says he wants to be with you, but makes an excuse to not...then what else is a woman to do? So, I cut the cord and now I feel like I never even had met him. I wasn't attached and that's the good thing. Eleven months of my life that had been wasted on him, but yet...Eleven months of being able to learn. 

Rosco(: My new baby boy.