Stop lying to Yourselves

I don't understand life anymore. I truly don't even understand the idea of the universe anymore. Everyday we're expected to learn from society and make it better, but we have all of these people in politics whom are destroying it more and more everyday. We have the government constantly telling us they're trying to help us and making life a better thing to cherish. That's all a lie and they know. They lie to get into congress and then they destroy us as human beings. As long as they get to live their lives and drive their fancy cars, they don't care how they treat us. They've got it made. We're suffering. And in today's society, we're killing each other without warning. Today its easier to get a way with murder than it is to pass your classes.

Now its easier for someone to not care about how discreet they are just go out and do as they please. And in this day and age, you have all of these teenagers getting pregnant and getting abortions. No one values their lives nonetheless others that they may carry or create. Now we have these Polyamory relationships where there are more than just two in a relationship. What was that old saying? "There is a soulmate for everyone." What if that's actually true? But wait, you have these three to five to six people in one relationship and it takes away from the others. People don't care about what they do to others anymore. No one cares about how our government is just deteriorating. I just cannot understand how people can sit back and let this world to Hell and Shit. I can't handle it.

Start over

Going through my blog, it really depresses me. I have made posts after posts after posts about how I need to turn my blog around and make it better. I've stated multiple times that I don't want to create a new blog because this one holds a lot of memories. And its true. But if I'm going to actually turn this blog around, I have to be honest. I have no clue where to go from here..

I Just Wish It Were Easier, You Know?

I wish I could say I'm happy, but then I'd be lying to the universe. I'm not happy with myself and I can't get through any day anymore. I'm constantly stressed and I live the life at home. I don't get out and do anything, I don't have any friends. I just stay home and take care of my fifteen month old daughter and be the dream that I wished to fulfill. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I wouldn't trade this job for anything and yes, being a stay at home mom is a job. I don't care what anyone has to say about that. Being a stay at home mom is a hard job and it's a complicated one as well. All I do is clean, cook, and take care of Evailyne.
I have no friends to run to for when I'm upset or having a hard time. My boyfriend is always at work and I don't like bothering him with my problems anyway. My life is just too hard. I'm stressed mainly about my weight here lately and I have to be honest. I just don't have the mindset to lose weight. I can't exercise and I won't even pretend like I can. I can't stand the idea and I just make myself sick from even thinking of it. I've tried to begin eating healthier, but that doesn't work too well for me when all I buy is unhealthy foods. I don't do it on purpose. I just don't watch what I'm buying. I pick up one healthy item and the unhealthy one outweighs the good. I just can't do it anymore. I'm so stressed over losing weight that I think I've stressed myself so much into gaining weight. All I know is over the past three weeks, I've almost doubled in size. I can't handle it anymore. I might as well just give into my problems. Let them overpower me.

"You have no power over me." Yeah right. I guess Sarah had more of a mindset afterall. I can't and I just won't.

Update from Me? It's been a While I'm sorry.

Alright, so I'm really sorry. It's been so long since I've written on my blog and lately I've been going pretty nuts. I guess I've just resulted to putting everything on my tumblr and my private tumblr that I'm forgotten about my blog. This is HOME. This is where I need to be written. Free spirited writing and free mind to the world. This is where I feel the most at peace.

Anyways, I've been dealing with a lot lately and I don't know where to start. I'm sick, that much I can tell you and I don't know what I'm supposed to be at this point anymore. I haven't told anyone anything about whats wrong with me except my mother. I didn't want to tell anyone, but it just came out. Then, I still haven't told my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him or anyone else because I'm just fed up with dealing with drama and negativity when it comes to me. Sometimes I truly feel like I'm a wasted space because all I ever hear from people is that I'm just complaining, so I've learned my lesson and I've began to keep my mouth shut.

The pain has been going on for about a month now. Well three weeks, give or take a few days. It started in my legs when I'm sitting down or laying down. I can't stay still for no longer than five or ten minutes at a time without there being a shooting pain going from my hips down to my toes. Then it feels like (a bad comparison) my leg is getting frozen off, like its freezer burnt. Then there's the shooting pain in my chest that makes it hard for me to breathe. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Even though I admit I was quite the person to constantly be sick in high school, I feel as if its all coming back to me now. When I graduated, I was never sick and then I got pregnant and well I guess you can figure how sick I was. Then after that I became Anemic and it just seems like I haven't been healthy since. I don't know what I'm even doing anymore...I just want to be healthy and at this point I feel its impossible.