I'm 35 weeks pregnant today. Yes, as of today I am now only 5 weeks away from being 40weeks pregnant and the actual come day of my baby girl. But, why am I feeling so out of place and so scared? It's because for the past month or so I have been so scared of a fear that has began to develop. I'm afraid of dying. Oh yes. I bet you didn't expect to hear this or even read this part.
I'm so afraid and I don't know why. I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid of how excited I am to be a mother and then when the time comes for me to be going into labor, not being able to see my baby, not being able to come home with her, not being able to be a family with my fiance' and child.
I've done much research and so much looking up and it doesn't seem like I have a reason to be so scared or worried to die during or after childbirth...it's just a true fear of mine. I'm afraid of not being a mother.
TOP 10 Labor & Delivery Fears:
1. Making it to the hospital in time
Real mom fear: "I was scheduled to deliver at a hospital that was already 45 minutes away from my home, so that certainly added to my anxiety about 'making it there' on time in the midst of terrible pain." -
Heather, of
ThetaMom.com
Reality check: The good news is, the average span of active labor lasts about eight hours. And while technically that may not sound like good news, statistically that means your chances of delivering baby on the side of a highway somewhere are pretty slim. That's because well before baby starts to make his way down the birth canal, there will be plenty of warning signs that it's time to head to the hospital - like intense cramping, back pain, steady contractions, and/or your water breaking. And even if you're having a particularly speedy labor, timing your contractions will help you gauge roughly how long you have until baby arrives. (Once they get down to five-minute intervals or less, it could be game time.) But there's nothing wrong with being prepared for the unexpected, so if you want to ease your fears, make sure to ask your doc questions or read up on what you can do in the event baby comes sooner than expected.
2. Not being able to handle the pain!
Real mom fear: "I'm not a fan of pain and the idea of actually giving birth terrified me. When I was pregnant with my first child I remember whimpering to my husband 'I can't go through with this!' But of course there was no turning back!" - Melisa, of
ProjectNursery.com
Reality check: We know - imagining all that pain is definitely pretty scary. But remember: Your body was made to do this, pain and all. Once labor is in full-swing, your endorphins will kick into high gear and for the most part, your body will take over like you've probably never seen before. (Yep, kind of awesome.) Of course, in the event the pain does get to be too much and labor drags on for hours longer than expected, by all means scream for that epidural if you need to. But even if you want to skip the meds altogether and go natural, there are alternative pain management techniques you can practice to help make delivery more bearable - like meditation and even hypnosis. Some hospitals and most birthing centers even have hot water tubs for laboring and/or giving birth, which can also help ease the pain intensity. No matter what birthing method you choose, just make sure you
explore all of your options first.
3. Having a c-section
Real mom fear: "I was terrified at the thought of a c-section and was determined that I would not have one. I didn't even pay attention to the c-section videos in birthing class. I was so certain I had taken all of the precautions to avoid any medical reasons for a c-section. I soon found out there are circumstances that you can't avoid or take precautions for." -- Kim, of
MomTriedIt.net
Reality check:Whether or not it's in your birth plan to begin with, you should brace yourself that a c-section is always a possibility. And while there are some downsides you can't ignore - like the longer recovery time, abdominal pain and soreness, and even a higher hospital bill -- having a c-section isn't the end of the world. In fact, recent studies have shown that up to 32% of American births are done this way. So even if you've got your heart set on delivering vaginally, don't keep yourself in the dark about the realities of c-sections, just in case. After all, you'll want to know what to expect from the procedure and your recovery if you do end up having to go for one. Just be clear that you're on the same page with your doc if you want a c-section to be the absolute last-resort.
4. Dying
Real mom fear: "I was
deathly afraid of dying. I know how crazy that sounds but I really, really was. During my pregnancy I read two books, saw one TV show, and one movie that all included a woman dying in childbirth. It was only mentioned in passing, but I became " - Edna, of
OurLifeUpstate.com
Reality check: While it may seem like dying during childbirth is something that no longer happens nowadays, it sadly does - even right here in the U.S. But to calm your fears you should keep in mind that it's still relatively rare in most developed countries. Even if you've read the recent studies citing the national maternal death rate is on the rise in America, don't let yourself be too freaked out - this number still hangs out at a low rate of 11 deaths per 100,000 births - and all of these are usually tied to specific prenatal complications and/or poor medical care. Fortunately, though, recent changes in health care reform aim to grant women without medical coverage (or very poor coverage) better prenatal care, which should significantly decrease these rates in the future.
5. Pooping on the floor
Real mom fear: "I'm so scared to poop on the table. I don't care how many times I'm told 'doctors see it all the time and don't care'... I CARE!" - mopsie
Reality check: Yep, pooping on the floor while you have about five different people looking between your legs pretty much sounds like a complete and total nightmare. But it definitely happens. On the bright side, there's going to be so much going on down there, a little poop will be the
least of your worries. If you don't believe us, you don't have to - we polled your fellow Bumpies and 33% claim that not only did they poop mid-push, but guess what? They totally didn't care. (
See what other Bumpies said.) The truth is, between the pain, the pressure, the cheering squad of doctors and nurses, and, oh, the fact that you're passing a
baby through your vagina, delivering a little more than just your bundle o' joy won't really be at the forefront of your mind. So prep your partner early for what they may or may not see down there and arm yourself with a good sense of humor. The rest will take care of itself.
6. The epidural
Real mom fear: "I was so afraid of having an epidural. I wasn't afraid of the meds but the actual needle going into my back. I wanted to avoid it at all costs, but after 20 hours of back labor, I decided to go ahead and do it. Luckily I had the best doctor, he was very comforting and the epidural worked great." -- storybooklove
Reality check: You can probably take all those stories about the epidural being some giant, terrifying, and painful needle with a grain of salt. While some mamas recall it as being huge and menacing, others claim it's not that crazy big after all. The good news: Since it goes in your back, you probably won't see it anyway. So just make sure your partner doesn't catch a glimpse and describe it in detail and you should be A-okay. As for it hurting - most moms agree that you'll barely feel it going in. Not only will the feeling of it going in pale in comparison to any labor pains you may be having, but your doc will also apply some antiseptic to your skin first before it's administered, which will help numb the area.
7. Tearing like crazy.
Real mom fear: "I'm scared of tearing and getting an episiotomy. I am horrified to think of my lady parts being all mangled." - carole&clark
Reality check: Some tearing is bound to happen if you deliver vaginally (sorry), but as for everything getting
mangled down there? Not likely. If anything, you'll probably wind up with one of the two more common kinds of tears: first-degree or second-degree. First-degree tears (or superficial tears) are considered pretty small and only require a few stitches, if any at all; whereas second-degree tears tend to go a little deeper, reaching the muscle beneath the skin. As for more intense third- and fourth-degree tearing, you can probably rest easy: they only happen in about 4% of all deliveries and are often the result of an episiotomy gone awry. If you're trying to steer clear of an episiotomy too, though, voice your concerns early with your doc. Our best advice in the meantime: Try practicing
perineal massage.
8. My birth plan going out the window.
Real mom fear: “I didn't have a written birth plan and was delivering at a large hospital, so my biggest fear was that a doctor or nurse would give me an intervention I didn't want without asking.” -- elizabe
Reality check: Written birth plan or not, chances are, it probably will go out the window. Birth plans are just that – plans. But since there’s an infinite number of scenarios that could arise on delivery day, you should pretty much prep yourself from the get-go that it probably won’t all go how you want it to (and if it does, consider yourself extremely lucky). If you may not be delivered by your own OB and are scared of others making hasty calls against your birth plan, then it's time to put pen to paper now. Even if nothing goes as planned, you won't kick yourself later that you didn't fight for what you wanted first. Just remember that in many cases, circumstances may take over that are completely out of your hands – like whether or not there’s an unforeseen complication with baby. No matter what, though, don’t beat yourself up if it all goes a bit haywire. If you've done your best to inform your doc and the nursing staff of your wishes, you'll have to trust their advice if they suggest a new course of action. In the end, all that matters is that you got a healthy baby out of the deal.
9. Being in labor FOREVER.
Real mom fear: “I was so afraid of being in labor forever! I would hear these horror stories of women laboring for hours upon hours... and some for almost a day! I just didn't know how I could have handled that.” -- krs15
Reality check: While it could definitely feel like forever, we can safely assure you that your labor won't actually take forever. Like we said, the average length of active labor for most mamas is eight hours, so the chances of you going beyond that point are already less likely. And remember: the pain will most likely not be fully constant. Barring any extreme circumstances, your pain will become a little less intense in between contractions, allowing you to get relief in intervals. Plus, techniques like Lamaze and the Bradley method could really help make the pain more bearable, so make sure you study up on each well before you deliver, if you're interested in trying them.
10. Delivery complications
Real mom fear: “My biggest fear is that something will go wrong. I had a horrible labor and delivery with my first and my baby wound up in the NICU. My only fear is having another NICU baby.” – tarebear9891
Reality check: The fear of unforeseen delivery complications happening is definitely very real and definitely warranted. Tons of different variables could come into play and cause something to go wrong or even just off-course -- like baby moving into a breech position or maybe your contractions not coming on strong enough to move baby along in the canal. But many of these factors may just result in a necessary c-section -- not all of them will mean that baby (or you) is in grave danger. And most of these scenarios will also probably be detected while you're still pregnant, so there will be less room for surprise (and panicking). For example, your doctor will be able to detect baby's positioning in the weeks leading up to labor, so any sudden shifts in movement are far less likely. So while it's pretty easy to keep batting around all the what-ifs in your mind when you're pregnant, do baby a favor and try to at least ease your worries for now. After all, baby feels a lot of the stress that you do; so quit your worrying (as much as possible, anyway).
Tell us: What kinds of labor and delivery fears do you/did you have? New moms: Did any of your fears actually wind up happening?
