I'm scared and I don't know what to think or do anymore. I think I just came in contact with yet another one of my biggest fears. I'm watching Sex and the City and I-I just watched the scene where Big stood Carrie up at the alter. I started to ball and I just began to fall apart. I'm so scared, what if that happens to me? What if...What if I never even make it to 2014 with Jordan. I'm so scared of losing him now that I just can't find my way to sanity anymore. I'm having these strange dreams where they feel like reality, I feel as if I can't speak my own anymore because all it leads to is me going crazy and us arguing. Where are we leading, because I'm beginning to feel so hurt that I don't even know anymore.
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