There are so many things I really want to change. Jordan and I have had multiple conversations and I don't understand how me and him actually got together. I don't understand how he went completely out of his category of girls, to resulting to me. I don't know how even in the slightest I had the result of trying to even meet this guy and try to pull him so far from this expertise of women. He'd said many times that he really liked girls that were in the category of goth! In the category scene, even girls in his past were crazy.
I really don't want to change to please him, but for some odd reason I sometimes feel as if I'm not enough to please him. To suit his needs. I hear him, his dad, and his dad's girlfriend talking all the time when we're at his dad's house...but I don't feel as if I really belong within his family. In five short months, my baby will be apart of this family, by blood and I will just be included by the baby. It's kind of like I can't please myself anymore nor can I please my fiance. We're to be married next year and I feel as if I'm just not enough for him to actually deal with. He's so used to these girls that are such, in the nicest way possible for me to describe "freaks". He says he loves it when a girl can do this or can do that, and I just feel like such a burden upon him. I don't do anything any other girl would do.
I don't feel like truly deep down inside that I'm everything he wants or everything he needs. He says he loves me with all of his heart and he loves me more than he's ever loved any other girl, but what am I supposed to say towards any type of judgement when I can never compare to any of his exes. He's said many times that he doesn't like skinny girls, but almost half of his girlfriends...mainly all of them are skinny, maybe two or three were big. But if he doesn't skinny girls, and he's said many times that he doesn't go for looks, but personality so that would explain the skinny ones...but why do I feel like I can never actually be what he'll want.
We talk about it all the time about how we love each other with all of our hearts and we're getting married next year...but how come it is that I am just shocked all out of hell that he ended up with me after every girl he's been with. I wasn't who he would have ended up with if we hadn't started talking, if on August 27th that changed everything that we'd ever thought about each other.
I guess I can just simply say that I'm just actually so jumbled in my head that I am worried about how I think about this all of the time...How did this guy turn out to be mine?
I really don't want to change to please him, but for some odd reason I sometimes feel as if I'm not enough to please him. To suit his needs. I hear him, his dad, and his dad's girlfriend talking all the time when we're at his dad's house...but I don't feel as if I really belong within his family. In five short months, my baby will be apart of this family, by blood and I will just be included by the baby. It's kind of like I can't please myself anymore nor can I please my fiance. We're to be married next year and I feel as if I'm just not enough for him to actually deal with. He's so used to these girls that are such, in the nicest way possible for me to describe "freaks". He says he loves it when a girl can do this or can do that, and I just feel like such a burden upon him. I don't do anything any other girl would do.
I don't feel like truly deep down inside that I'm everything he wants or everything he needs. He says he loves me with all of his heart and he loves me more than he's ever loved any other girl, but what am I supposed to say towards any type of judgement when I can never compare to any of his exes. He's said many times that he doesn't like skinny girls, but almost half of his girlfriends...mainly all of them are skinny, maybe two or three were big. But if he doesn't skinny girls, and he's said many times that he doesn't go for looks, but personality so that would explain the skinny ones...but why do I feel like I can never actually be what he'll want.
We talk about it all the time about how we love each other with all of our hearts and we're getting married next year...but how come it is that I am just shocked all out of hell that he ended up with me after every girl he's been with. I wasn't who he would have ended up with if we hadn't started talking, if on August 27th that changed everything that we'd ever thought about each other.
I guess I can just simply say that I'm just actually so jumbled in my head that I am worried about how I think about this all of the time...How did this guy turn out to be mine?
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