So you can probably tell that I've began to write a lot in a short period of time. Why? Well, that's easy to answer. I have so much on my mind that I find it almost impossible to be able to speak of one thing. I'm sitting at the kitchen table at 1:10 A.M. and I'm listening to some of the saddest songs that I could have ever possibly put on my iTunes.
Have you ever made your boyfriend or girlfriend so aggravated that you felt like you must punish yourself...as if them being aggravated because of YOU wasn't enough. Sitting here and I'm facing Jordan. He's got the one face of his where I know he's pissed off, sometimes so bad that he watches T.V. where it doesn't effect him as much. Here I go again, I'm making myself cry. My emotions have gotten so bad over the past few years that I can automatically cry on a dime. I don't mean too, I just am always scared that the next fight is going to cause him to go over the deep end...If not then, it will be the next.
He must really love because my emotions are like a roller coaster. I'm perfectly fine one minute, then next thing I'm either crying or being pissed off at the world. We argue, then it's over and we make up. I'm always just so scared...after I've fought with him, I'm always worried and always think the same thing over again. "What have I just done?" then that's when I feel like I must punish myself for what I've done. I get fed up with myself and what I cause that I'm always worried that there is going to be a deep end of the pool and there will be no coming back.
Have you ever made your boyfriend or girlfriend so aggravated that you felt like you must punish yourself...as if them being aggravated because of YOU wasn't enough. Sitting here and I'm facing Jordan. He's got the one face of his where I know he's pissed off, sometimes so bad that he watches T.V. where it doesn't effect him as much. Here I go again, I'm making myself cry. My emotions have gotten so bad over the past few years that I can automatically cry on a dime. I don't mean too, I just am always scared that the next fight is going to cause him to go over the deep end...If not then, it will be the next.
He must really love because my emotions are like a roller coaster. I'm perfectly fine one minute, then next thing I'm either crying or being pissed off at the world. We argue, then it's over and we make up. I'm always just so scared...after I've fought with him, I'm always worried and always think the same thing over again. "What have I just done?" then that's when I feel like I must punish myself for what I've done. I get fed up with myself and what I cause that I'm always worried that there is going to be a deep end of the pool and there will be no coming back.
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