A Day Goes by...I still think.

I think it's funny how I can sit here and spill out my guts to a computer. How I can just sit for hours and explain every little detail, without having to worry about someone yelling back at me from what I'm doing wrong or what I'm not doing right. I just feel like when I'm writing or typing out my feeling's, I can get a whole lot more out in words than I can by saying them.
Remember, the other day when I spilled out my guts of what I was doing...knowing completely that it wrong? Well, the truth is...I know it's wrong and I know that I was taking a big risk and risking everything for a relationship with him (Allan). Now, I'm wondering...how far can that relationship truly go on if he is still with her? If I'm never knowing when the time will come that he will "end" it with her. I don't want to keep up a secret relationship with him if I'm going to be the one ending up hurt in the end. I don't want to take these consequences and it never go anywhere. I admit, I've already fallen for him; but, not fallen in love with him. My feeling's are strong for him and I just really wanted everything to work out; but, I feel that until he makes that big decision...I can't keep up our secretive.pathway.
So, along side that. Today at work, My cousin Michelle was meeting her friend. He came in and had a group of his friends with him. Michelle was standing beside me with her baby, Jayden. I had to clock back in from my break, so I asked my manager for her manager's card. When I walked over to refill my drink, Michelle had looked at me and said something. Of course, knowing me...I couldn't read her lips. I walked over next to her and she had told me that one of Merril's friends was checking me out. I didn't believe her. Nor did I believe him when he told me. I just walked away and smiled. She kept texting me and asking me "What do you think about Jack?" I didn't know what to say. I still didn't believe that he was checking me out, or that he thought I was cute. Well, when him and his friends walked back in...Michelle walked over beside me and asked for number for him. I just smiled and looked at her. Playing around, I said I didn't know my number. Well, Michelle found it and gave it too him. He began to text me and I just didn't know what to say until he told me himself that I was cute.
I have a feeling that maybe I'm in a bad spot right now. Maybe, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I need to talk to Allan. It's hurting me...and it is making me wonder if it's bothering him too. I don't want to keep this up and me end up no where. I want to be happy and I want to make the right decisions; but, I feel like that if I need help. I'm probably in this alone. Once again. No one is able to help me, except me. I believe that I'll make the right decision. It's just going to take me time to figure out what I'm going to do.