It's been awhile since I last posted a blog worth reading. I've just been dealing with a lot of pressure lately, not the bad kind per-say, but definitely the type that would just drive a person insane. I think I've came to my own conclusion that I'm officially well. Officially over the fact over one of Jordan's exes always turning up out of no where....in almost every conversation. I finally sat down a few days ago and went through all of their messages that began around the time we'd began talking. Well, I noticed how she'd began a lot of the drama between Jordan and I, and created this ever-lasting effect upon myself and our relationship.

Yes, in fact I am talking about Anna-Leigh. Yes this would be the one that caused "our" first fight. She'd claimed that it couldn't have been her fault to cause a fight, but yet she was the first one to start something with Jordan against myself. She'd be the first to insult me, saying everyone in their old neighborhood was saying that I was "u-g-l-y". I won't deny, I may be ugly to a lot of people, but hey. I have a man that finally walked into my life to stay because he wanted too. But like I said, I wasn't the first to start the fight or issues between ex and fiance'.

Finally, I'd went through all of the messages and had noticed how she's insulted me more times than I can count, before I'd even thought about insulting her. I began to become calm over the things I read rather than getting upset over them. Then I realized, Jordan is with me. If he wanted another Anna-Leigh he would have tried to find her. He would have tried to find another her. He wouldn't have wound up with me knowing I was different if he wanted to be with her.

I really can't understand why it'd taken myself so long to realize such things. We've been together practically since August, but yet it'd taken me all the way until here in March to realize that Jordan isn't going anywhere. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out myself so that I will know when the beating will bring down the whole house and pain..