Tuesday, September 20, 2011

What do you say in a Moment like this?

Have you ever been told "it's not you, it's me"? It's like I can think....What if it did happen to me? How would I feel if I was told it wasn't me, it was him? I'd be thinking...someone was full of shit. That is like one of the oldest things in the book to say to someone just to get out of a relationship. It isn't the smartest thing to pull; but, some times people think it's the best thing to do.
Well, lately...everything for me. It always seems to me that every time I post something on my blog, everything is fine; but, then I'm posting of how it was ended too. I'm tired. I'm not dealing with the pain any longer than I have too.
Everything was fine. A couple of days ago, well almost a week now...I broke up with Dylan. Yes, finally after everything that we'd been through and all the pain he'd been giving me. I'd broke up with him. I felt like he hadn't changed anything about himself. When, me and him were together, it's like I had this feeling that something was going on. I just didn't know what it was.
What do you say in a moment like this? I just wish. If God would allow me to make one wish for the rest of my life...It'd be that I wish everything would be alright with me. Stop this searching for the right one. I've tried multiple times and it's always turned out to be nothing but a terrible experience. God. If only God would let me choose the perfect guy. I'd choose a guy that I've met recently. He seemed and was the perfect guy. I don't want to be feeling this pain in looking for the "one". I want to wake up in the morning and have him holding me in his arms.
What do you say in a moment like this? When you can't find the words? A moment of silence. A moment where I can just close my eyes and for once, let my heart lead the way.
I met this guy. His name is Jacob. I met him and everything seemed so un-real. I had just met him; but, I felt like I've known him for years. I didn't feel a single touch of fear. I like(d) him so; but, something went wrong. Something that just caused him not want to talk to me. It makes me wonder...and it keeps me praying that maybe, it's just for now. I just need to give him time. Give myself time as well. I had only known him for a day; but, everything seemed to wonderful and I loved it. Then, now it's at the point where when I get a text message...I'm hoping, it's him. It's not and I feel like I've fallen apart a little more each time I breathe.
I talked to my brother (best friend) Josh on the phone about everything in my life. I had told him how I have felt and how it felt like everything was falling apart around me..and I had this feeling, this feeling that maybe it wasn't worth anything anymore. I missed Jacob already and didn't want to just let it go. I couldn't bare the feeling. I have to do something. 

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