A day with Dylan

Yesterday; I spent time with Dylan...and Samuel. After school, Me and Samuel walked downtown to meet Dylan and then we went to the restaurant to get something to eat. Of course, I wasn't really in an all good mood. I was quite aggravated. Afterwards; We walked to the college to put my backpack in my dad's truck and I had to change my pants; Yes, I split my pants. Well, Then we walked to the library and it's not even the fun part. We met Stephan there and we began to talk for a bit. I started to get really bored with just sitting around waiting for nothing to happen so I walked over the old stone jail house.
After about five minutes there, Dylan finally walked over and we walked back to his house. We sat outside for a bit, then we began throwing a softball at one another. Of course, he lives on the side of a bank so I had to go down over the hill multiple times. It began to get really fun, when I was throwing the bad at him and I brought four other balls back up the hill with me. Then, it got fun for me when we just began talking; I always am satisfied just by spending time with him, it makes my day. Just him holding me, made me feel better.
When it got to be 6:00pm, I had totally forgotten that I had to be down at the college when my dad got out of school; but, my dad found me anyway, so I didn't have to worry about walking all the way back downtown. I began to have stomach pains really bad and I developed a headache on the way home. I felt like I was going to get sick multiple times; but, I didn't. I took like four Advil and two TUMS; but, nothing seemed to ease my stomach. Then, I got something to eat, maybe thinking that I was hungry. It didn't help. I took a nice long soothing bath; but, that didn't help. Makes me wonder if I'm going to end up getting sick. I have felt sick ever since yesterday and now I feel like it.

Valentine's Day?

Valentine's Day?
February 14...There is a serious question that has pondered in my mind for some time now. How is it that someone like me can believe in all the level's of "Love" but hate's the fact of Valentine's day. The one day of the year where "Love" comes alive. The day couple ponder together and tell each other of how much they mean to one another. I believe in the whole fact of "Love", but I just can't get myself to overcome this day of compassion and hope. I've often thought of it as maybe I don't like the day because it hurt's me to see people with those they love. Maybe, it's the description of how much they show affection towards one another. I honestly can say that I love the bond between me and family; but, the bond between someone and another, it's heartbreaking. What's the point of Valentine's day? Honestly? If there is no one to show and share it with, then why do some of us have to wait and suffer in the shadow's like there is no return of hope for us.
Thinking about all the wonder's of "Love" and compassion make's me wonder and think. Why do I hate Valentine's day so much? What has brought me to this? What has turned my heart of pure blood and worthiness, to stone and ice. This isn't the part where I go crazy and say this is the point where I wish I was with someone and had to someone to love me like other's love each other. This is just a innocent prompt stating my wonder's of why do I feel the way I do. 

Feelings? Fading...

Conclusions. Coming to these Conclusions have sent me to believe that it was wrong. I shouldn't have given myself hope when I feel like I've just been ripped apart. To the soul of which I never knew I had, I couldn't believe how I would feel when I came to the truth. How can you love someone and treat them like dirt? How can you go for hours thinking it is going to wind up great, but turns into dust? How is someone to feel this way if they never knew they had feelings. What is there to this thing they call "love"? Can you automatically have feelings for someone you never liked? Can you just form these feelings and believe they will start to progress? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm done. No more. I'm tired of thinking something is going to happen when I just feel the same afterwards. I'm dating dealing! I'm done trying. .

January 26, 2011.

Have you ever sat down and thought about one thing that you knew would maybe end badly in the long run? Have you ever wanted to say "Yes" so badly you didn't know how and when was the best time to do it? Well what am I suppose to do when I find out recently that a friend of mine has just stabbed me in the back with a sharp piece of pain I didn't think I'd feel again. The tragedy of you wanting to wait for the moment that it will be okay to say "yes" sends you into a state of mind. The waiting process is too late. Too late to make a move, too late to say the one word you wish you could of said four and half years ago before everything...went bad.
The one time I thought I could be happy again, and nothing comes of it. Nothing good comes of it and it all ends badly for me. 

Attitude.

I found this statement about Attitude a very open and truthful.
-"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people thank or say or do. It is more important than appearance giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company.....a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a change everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing ca can do is play on the one strong we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our Attitudes."

by: 

Charles R. Swindoll

I found this a remarkable statement of what this guy though an Attitude was all about. The true understanding of it. Helped. 

A New Change

So I've got a new look to my blog. What do you think of the new layout? I was kind of getting tired of the black and dull look. Well I thought making it lighten up was a better idea of it. Attract interest.

Catching Up.

It's been awhile since I last wrote on my blog. I guess I just haven't had much to say. Have you ever had the feeling that you could sit for hours talking about your problems or what's on your mind; but, yet you can't find a way to say it as briefly as possible? Well I just couldn't find the right way to explain what was on my mind. However, I do have a few things that I know I can make a good conversation out of. Let's See.

I'm Starting the 2011 Adventure off as a great way to say it's a new beginning and my blog will soon become a newer and better of what I have written in the past. So all I can and may say is Let's begin.

Over the past few months I have been doing the usual thing any normal teenager does. I have been writing....trying to write my novel. I have written about six short stories, but can't yet get the writing a novel down pat. It's easy. All it is, is a longer version of a short story. Just more writing. I pick up my pencil and begin writing; but, then begin to second thoughts about what I have written. My mom and some other special thanks. They say that when you are writing. Don't stop and re-read what you wrote. Just keep writing. If it doesn't sound good when it's finished, then make the necessary changes.

a poem.

f i closed my eyes forever. would you even care?sitting alone in a crowded room, like there's no tomorrow(:where has my life gone? where is it going? where am i suppose to end up in six to twelve years? all i wanna do-all i wanna do is......love you. 

-written by: courtney walker

Monday. Dec. 13

Tomorrow I go to the doctor for me being sick for like three weeks and for my x-ray. My back has been aching for about three months now. Nothing I try works. I've tried icy hot, ice cold packs, and hot packs, but nothing seems to sooth the pain. I'll be glad when we go tomorrow we'll find out what's actually wrong with my back.