I feel like this is going to be a rant. It's going to be a true and honest thought post that is just going to contain every detail that is on my mind right now.
I remember....Five month ago, I met Jordan. Things started off to where I had just wanted another fuck buddy. I didn't want anything serious, because after all I had just broken things off with Jacob. I didn't want to be serious with Jordan. I first met him on August 13th and I can still remember that it was the first day of class. I still think about this day everyday, as along with all of the others too.
I don't know what to do honestly, I remembered that when Jordan and I had made it clear that we were open to read messages from each other's Facebook, how I remember reading the one's from Anna-Leigh. I constantly got mad over, not upset, but mad. Then, I'd read other messages from other girls, he'd been talking to around the time that we'd met and began talking ourselves. I couldn't get mad, after all he'd been talking to three girls before me.
He'd been talking to a friend of his, which he is still friends with...Alexis. I've become quite close with her and she is a pretty cool chick, it just effected me in a weird way when I was remembering what I'd read a few months ago. They'd been talking about being together, a never ending love that had apparently grown between them. How, he loved her and loved it if they would be able to lay with one another with her head laid upon his chest. I do that. That she'd cry towards him and he'd hold her in his arms, caressing her cheek, then pulling her in for a kiss. We did that. That she made his stomach tie itself in knots. I did that. The first we were together, we'd went swimming and he'd held me in his arms multiple times, and looked into each other's eyes...I felt like I could drift into a world of love with him...They did that. Why do I feel like a comparison? I feel like Alexis and I are a little much a like and that it's like he never really lost her, he just gained another. We've actually shared a lot of the same conversations with Jordan and it's become much a hurtful statement to feel like I'm not doing anything different than any other girl he'd been with..They'd been talking since May. Not in a relationship sense, but just talking. It's like I had stolen him away from someone that he was talking too, someone he'd actually began to form feelings for.
I'm not meaning to think this, but it's like lately...my hormones are getting really bad. Jordan's told me multiple times that he doesn't deserve me, well it's the other way around and I know it. I don't deserve him, because of the stuff I put him through everyday. I'm not surprised that my past relationships haven't lasted...because this is truly unbelievable. I don't know how Jordan can put up with me everyday and still love me as much as he does.
A feeling that I've had today, is I just feel as if I stole Jordan away from someone when I wouldn't have wanted that for myself. I mean, I'm just like a repeat of what Jordan was already going to have...there was no change.
I remember....Five month ago, I met Jordan. Things started off to where I had just wanted another fuck buddy. I didn't want anything serious, because after all I had just broken things off with Jacob. I didn't want to be serious with Jordan. I first met him on August 13th and I can still remember that it was the first day of class. I still think about this day everyday, as along with all of the others too.
I don't know what to do honestly, I remembered that when Jordan and I had made it clear that we were open to read messages from each other's Facebook, how I remember reading the one's from Anna-Leigh. I constantly got mad over, not upset, but mad. Then, I'd read other messages from other girls, he'd been talking to around the time that we'd met and began talking ourselves. I couldn't get mad, after all he'd been talking to three girls before me.
He'd been talking to a friend of his, which he is still friends with...Alexis. I've become quite close with her and she is a pretty cool chick, it just effected me in a weird way when I was remembering what I'd read a few months ago. They'd been talking about being together, a never ending love that had apparently grown between them. How, he loved her and loved it if they would be able to lay with one another with her head laid upon his chest. I do that. That she'd cry towards him and he'd hold her in his arms, caressing her cheek, then pulling her in for a kiss. We did that. That she made his stomach tie itself in knots. I did that. The first we were together, we'd went swimming and he'd held me in his arms multiple times, and looked into each other's eyes...I felt like I could drift into a world of love with him...They did that. Why do I feel like a comparison? I feel like Alexis and I are a little much a like and that it's like he never really lost her, he just gained another. We've actually shared a lot of the same conversations with Jordan and it's become much a hurtful statement to feel like I'm not doing anything different than any other girl he'd been with..They'd been talking since May. Not in a relationship sense, but just talking. It's like I had stolen him away from someone that he was talking too, someone he'd actually began to form feelings for.
I'm not meaning to think this, but it's like lately...my hormones are getting really bad. Jordan's told me multiple times that he doesn't deserve me, well it's the other way around and I know it. I don't deserve him, because of the stuff I put him through everyday. I'm not surprised that my past relationships haven't lasted...because this is truly unbelievable. I don't know how Jordan can put up with me everyday and still love me as much as he does.
A feeling that I've had today, is I just feel as if I stole Jordan away from someone when I wouldn't have wanted that for myself. I mean, I'm just like a repeat of what Jordan was already going to have...there was no change.
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