Eternal

I have this invisible wall put up
it helps keep out heartache
help keep out tragedy
i don't want to be the girl to
fall apart but,
the girl that is happy to be
yours
i can't take one more step
towards you
i can't take a risk
unless
its gonna be real
i don't want to be one of
your girls
i don't want to have a scar
on my chest
i want the eternal feeling

Could it Progress?

So, college is certainly turning out really well. As of right now, I hold a 4.0 GPA and I'm certainly and most definitely loving it. I've even actually met an interesting guy. Going back about two weeks ago when I first met him...It was our welcome week at the college and we were having an Ice Cream social. I walked upstairs and I saw Sandie and Mrs. Duncan handing out Ice Cream to students. Well, I stood next to the lounge and Sandie asked if I wanted some Ice Cream...I looked over at her and said "I'm debating" and Jordan looked at me and asked "What is there to debate" and he began to smile...well, I don't like Ice Cream very much and it was a debate to me. "I don't eat Ice Cream very much, so I just don't know if I want any" and from the point on I could feel that Jordan was looking at me quite a few times..I'd talk to Sandie for a few then look over and join the conversations, I could feel Jordan looking at me and I'd glance over at him.
The next day, I found out that he was in my Math class...I just knew this would be fun. The first couple of days, I didn't nice or fancy. I just wore blue jeans and didn't care...but, we'd just chat as friends and I didn't notice anything else.

Last Tuesday, I was getting ready and put on my new outfit. It took me about 45mins to do my makeup and get ready. Well, I arrived to my class about five minutes last and I remember when I walked in. I could feel the eyes upon my body just looking and when I sat down, Jordan looked over at me and said "Wow." and I just smiled. He told me I looked really pretty and I felt really nice when I heard him tell me that. As the class went on, we would talk about different things and then he'd asked me why I felt like I needed to dress up. I just plainly told him that I wanted to feel nice about myself and that I bought new clothes to try. "you don't have to put makeup and dress up to like pretty" he told me. I was like WOW in my mind. .

Wednesday, I wore a nice pink dress...and I didn't see Jordan at all until my classes had let out. Well, I sat in the front lobby and was making sure I had everything I needed for my homework. Jordan and his friend had walked out of the doors next to me and then he just stood right in front of me. I looked up at him and just smiled and I was like "What?" smiling..and I got up because it was a little weird for me. Afterwards, I began to walk up the street to go over to the library. Jordan got a ride from him friend and then when she pulled out, he whistled at me. I just blushed...I knew I did, but I didn't want to tell him that.

Thursday, Jordan and I talked for a little while in class and different things writing notes and such, and then I had him tell me a few things that I may have not known. He told me that I was (Pretty, Cute, Attractive, and Adorable). I smile when I think of him telling me that...I'd never had a man tell me such things and mean it. 

BACK PAIN..feels like Death!

August 9, 2012...I didn't have internet to write this, so I had written it down on a piece of notebook paper to repeat here. So, it's August 9th, 2012 @ 3:42 AM. I can't sleep and I haven't even gotten a wink of relaxation in the past three hours. I've laid in bed trying to sleep, but when I lay flat on my back it feels like a torpedo is coming through my chest. I've tried to sleep with a pillow between my legs, pain meds, even Icy-Hot and a hot pack...but NOTHING works! What am I going to do? What can I do?
It's gotten to a certain point where just by sitting up-right, I feel like I'm going to get sick. Laying down make a rough pinching feeling. It's been five nights, five nights of me not being able to sleep through a complete night without pain. It's gotten to a boiling point of me beginning to cry, but nothing can help it.

College is just around the corner.

Only fourteen days before my dad leaves for EKU. I can't believe how fast this summer has flown by and how quickly college is approaching. My mom is attending Lindsey Wilson in Louisville, and my dad is going to EKU in Richmond. I'm attending Jefferson here in Carrollton...We're all going our own ways, but my mom will be home every weekend. It just doesn't seem like it should already by time for school to start back, but it is..and it's approaching so vastly that I can't seem to comprehend it.
August 13th, I begin my fall semester and I'm looking forward to it all except the math..Blah! 

Wonderful Life...New Beginning

I couldn't be any happier than I am right now. On July 29, 2012 I got asked out by probably one of the most  beautiful men that I've known for the past four and half years. I had never thought about us as the relationship type at first, but as the years progressed we began to talk to each other about how we thought each other was interesting and how I began to fall for him. I didn't mean too, but yet I still haven't came out and said I love him. I want him to know that I do love him, but where I have been hurt so many times and for those who read my blog...you know I've went through hell and back. I just don't want to throw those three words out there. I do feel like he is who I want to be with for the rest of my life and this isn't some little mushy crush, because we've known each other since my Freshman year in High School (August 2008). Now, we're together and it just feels so right. I don't want to think of it as the world to me, but four and half years definitely means something..

Pumped for my 1st and Fall Semester

It's finally reached August and I begin my fall semester in two weeks. I cannot wait to begin going back to school, which will be a lot different this time considering, I'm not going to be in high school anymore. I'm pumped for it and cannot wait to start. It's actually a bit weird and cannot wait to get started on my fall/first semester. Only 16 weeks per semester:) 

Exactly One--To the Date

Today marked exactly one year. July 24th, 2012. I have honestly handled it better than I thought I would. I mean afterall, I've had to keep saying to myself that everything happens for a reason. Everything has it's own price and I do believe I'm beginning to win this battle of neverending pain. 

Prophecy Creations by Patricia Walker [ME]

www.facebook.com/ProphecyCreationsbyPatriciaWalker

One Year & Counting the Pain

Today was a really good day....Until I seen something that obviously shouldn't be bothering me, but next week on July 24th, it'll mark exactly one year. One year that has flown by so quickly and yet has practically ripped out my heart. It should NOT bother me anymore...but it does every once in a while. Knowing that David is with this girl and they've been dating for about eight months now, on and off of course. But, it certainly peeves me off so badly knowing that, since the first day they began dating...she has pretended to be pregnant. I cannot stand someone nonetheless be pregnant and all joyful, but yet then I have to deal with yet another girl that exactly like one I've dealt with before.
People that pretend be pregnant and then months ago by and nothing's changed about them, then they come and just up and say that they had a miscarriage. You don't toy with people and pretend to be something you're not! You don't lie about something like that, but yet she did...and she does.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, David! The plain fact of it was that it was just a five minute deal and then things begin spend when he found out about me. He didn't want anything to do with afterwards. We weren't even friends anymore. It hurt me everyday of my Senior year to see him and have to hear about him. I'd literally break down crying when I would hear his name. I guess you could say the whole point of this post is...because him and his girlfriend are engaged now. I don't can't stand her or him, but the fact of it is...neither of them should be happy. Knowing what he put me through last year and then her constantly lying about being pregnant and God only knows what else she's lied about to people. She even used my friend our Junior Year, she had told my friend that she was pregnant by him too or she'd been pregnant by my friend Codie. Anyways, I went to his profile and just seeing how happy he is, he shouldn't be happy with who he is...not with the way he treated me. Not after what happened.
SIX WORDS for her..."The Bitch Needs a Chasity Belt"